Lessons from Tulsa

Number One:

When weighing yourself, you must put the weight all the way into the notch. Let me tell you why this makes a difference.

I was in Tulsa. I went and worked out and the hotel (yay me!) and saw a scale. I stepped on it and adjusted the weights. I was ECSTATIC!!! I hadn't weighed this little since I was in my second trimester with Grayson (yes, folks, I was a tiny first time pregnant lady). Then I realized that the 100 pound weight was just a hair off the notch. I slid it to it's appropriate place and... Whalah! An incredible 13 pounds showed up from nowhere. Amazing, isn't it?

Lesson from Amber: Don't weigh yourself.
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Number Two:

I came home from Tulsa and discovered I had a missing baby. In Champer's place was a darling little toddler who resembled Aiden but was more independent, with an increase in motor development, and a decreased need for Mom. I am still grieving over this. Please, in lieu of flowers, send me your infant for a few hours since we are no longer in the business.

Lesson from Amber: If you don't leave, you will never recognize differences. Your baby can remain your baby until he is 15!

Beyond Words

my ANGER is beyond words.

somehow those people I choose to call children ERASED EVERYTHING on my computer.

lesson from Amber: put a password on your computer!!!

Sick Boy

I have been feeling sick this weekend.

Grayson threw up in the middle of the night last night.

Despite these sad facts, I took the kiddos to the Kindergarten playground at Grayson's elementary.

We were there for one minute.

I look over at Grayson and he is throwing up on the mat.

Poor boy.

Lesson from Amber: Do not take your child who threw up last night to the park. He just might still be feeling sick.

Lesson from Amber

We all know what happens when we don't take enough birth control, right? Notice exhibit A:

Sadly my mother did not know that nursing did not count as birth control. Twelve months after I arrived, so did Bryan. Heart wrenching, isn't it?

WELL, did you know what happens when you take too much birth control? Exhibit B:
I took two pills on Tuesday night because I thought Tuesday was Wednesday and I panicked and took Wednesdays even though it was Tuesday and I did NOT want an exhibit A!!!! Boy. Yesterday was rough.

This has been another lesson from Amber. Brought to you by stupidity.

More lessons from Amber

I bought this:

And thought I looked SEXY.

Apparently I was wrong.

I looked prego.

Lesson: don't try to be sexy when you are frumpy!!!

Lessons From Amber

Today you might expect to see a variety of posts regarding green, shamrocks, boys named Patrick, etc. Not here. Not today. I feel there is a lesson of great value that needs to be shared instead.

I am talking about fire hazards.

Did you know that if you are cooking green eggs with your big bulky robe on, you are bound to catch on fire? I STONGLY suggest that all cooking of green eggs be done in the nude. This will prevent you from screaming, "I'm on fire!" at 7:50 a.m.

Also, if you do happen to catch on fire cooking those green eggs, your house will stink.

Consider yourself warned.

Note: I was not harmed in my effort to bring a valuable lesson to all.