Monday, December 15, 2008

Funny

So, I received this email and that it was funny. Very true! Except for #9. I like fruit cake!

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet tableknows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leaveimmediately. Go next door, where they're serving eclaires.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannotfind it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into aneggnogolic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashedpotatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk orwhole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports carwith an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control youreating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat otherpeople's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?!

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is thetime for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table whilecarrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frostedChristmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself nearthem and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center ofattention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or ifyou don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always havethree. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded witht the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, come on! Have some standards!

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party orget up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips;start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember thismotto to live by:"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arrivingsafely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid insideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn outand screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

6 comments:

Jamie Y said...

Now THAT is funny. Thanks for the laugh and for letting me justify the 5 cookies I ate after dinner. It doesn't do much for my "losing the baby weight" effort, but it's Christmas! (this is why you should never have a baby right before the holidays)

Amber! said...

You only had 5?? I had like 10 at my mom's last night. Sigh. It is miserable to lose baby weight during the holidays! I am not doing so hot anymore....there is always January, though!

Janessa said...

I LOVE being pregnant during the holidays!!! "Have another, you're eating for two" is music to my ears. Okay, I know I'll pay for it later but it's a good excuse to have this time of year.

Amber! said...

I know it. I still am using that excuse...I'm nursing! I have to eat for two. And one of those two is rapidly growing!

Amber! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amber! said...

Were you guys ever in Nephi for Christmas with Grandma's (well, I guess that would be your Great Grandma...)fruitcake? Yummy.